


Storytime

by storiesfortravellers



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Bets, Children's Stories, Clint get a grip, Coulson & Pepper as BFFs, Fluff, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-02
Updated: 2012-09-02
Packaged: 2017-11-13 09:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/502003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For PR and out of good will for the community, the Avengers read to children.  Pepper and Coulson are there to make sure things run as planned.  And to snark.  A lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Storytime

**Author's Note:**

> For this prompt at avengerkink: "...An agreement is reached that for good PR, the Avengers will collectively read to kids (in libraries, at the park, at shelters for people who somehow got displaced, all of the above.... What do they read?  
> Who ends up having a lot of feels about one or more stories and why? Do they start a program? etc."  
> (other bonuses not included)

“And then when they found Goldilocks sleeping in the bed that was just right, they were very, very angry. They tried to eat her, but Goldilocks woke up and kicked the little bear in the face and knocked him out, then she did a combination punch on the big bear, solar-plexus-face-groin-face, and then Goldilocks put the middle-sized bear into a sleeper hold until the bear lost consciousness. And it was just right. The End,” Natasha finished.

Mr. Kerra, the PTA volunteer in charge, thanked her in a rather sharp tone of voice, and Natasha seemed to find it strange but only slightly amusing that he seemed so upset.

“Interesting choice,” Pepper whispered to Coulson with a smile. They were watching from the back of the room, both to ensure that this didn’t turn into a PR debacle for SHIELD or Stark Industries and because they had placed a few friendly wagers on the event.

“Natasha takes her status as role model very seriously,” Coulson said, his smile giving away that even though her methods were a bit questionable (hilarious), he thought it was rather sweet. “What’s Tony going to read them?” 

“An Iron Man picture book, obviously,” she answered.

He chuckled but soon realized she was serious as Tony took the chair in front of the crowd of children sitting on the floor. The children watched excitedly as Tony grossly exaggerated the story and acted out much of the plot with broad, loud gestures, plopping down on the floor to their laughter many times. They clapped loudly when he left, and Tony bowed three times.

“No obscenities, no references to having a hangover, no sexual double entendres meant for the adults,” Pepper noted, just a tad smug.

Coulson handed her five dollars.

She took it, and added, “Don’t think I don’t know that you made that specifically so I would keep Tony in line.” 

“”I trust you to keep Tony in line regardless,” he said courteously, “I just really thought he might mention the hangover.”

She laughed quietly but then quieted as Bruce took his place in front of the children and began to read The Giving Tree. 

Bruce had a couple of tears in his eyes by the time he finished, as did many of the kids.

Pepper handed Coulson his five dollars back.

“You do realize that the fact that we made a bet about Bruce crying makes us insensitive bastards,” she pointed out.

“I’m okay with that,” Coulson said.

“How did you know he would cry?” she asked.

“Everyone cries when they read The Giving Tree,” Coulson said with a shrug. 

“We didn’t,” Pepper pointed out.

“Insensitive bastards, remember?” he said, and they both chuckled.

Jane and Thor came out next to read a story about Caroline Herschel, the Nineteenth Century astronomer. It was surprisingly entertaining, with Jane playing the part of Caroline and Thor playing, at various points, her brother, her telescope, and the furniture that she stands on. Thor doesn’t mention hammers once, and so Coulson hands Pepper five dollars. But then, right before they leave, Thor says to the kids, “Who wants to try to lift my hammer?”, eliciting cheers from the children. Pepper gives the five dollars back and watch as all the children become disappointed by their failure to lift the hammer, except for the ones too small to care that Thor helps them. 

“You know,” Coulson said to Pepper, “I tried to convince Director Fury to read ‘Go the Fuck to Sleep’ to the kids, but he didn’t go for it.”

“I bet Nick is really good with kids,” Pepper said, as Coulson side-eyed her.

There was a delay then, as Steve and the PTA member running things were having a discussion. Mr. Kerra seemed to become quite upset with Steve, though Steve continued to be polite. 

Coulson decided to see what the problem was. As he started to head over there, Pepper gently mocked, “It’s a magical thing, Phil. To play the knight in shining armor to your childhood hero.”

He gave her a glare that was clearly all in jest, and walked over to Steve. 

“But Washington never cut down the cherry tree, sir,” Steve was saying to Mr. Kerra, “That’s just a myth. And why would Ronald Reagan and Abraham Lincoln have lunch with George Washington if there’s no time travel? It just doesn’t make any sense, sir. And I just don’t believe in underestimating children.”

“You wouldn’t read the Captain America book,” Mr. Kerra said, frustrated but civil, “You wouldn’t tell them stories about World War II--”

“There’s nothing about the war that’s fit for a child’s ears, Mister, unless you think infected bullet wounds make for a good fairy tale.”

Coulson raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He was pretty sure children’s books had plenty of war and violence in Steve’s day, but he thought it was kind of sweet that Steve didn’t want to do the same.

Mr. Kerra continued, “And you don’t want to read ‘All the Presidents Love America’ to the kids either! What exactly are you planning to do?”

“How about reading an American classic?” Coulson said, pulling The Wizard of Oz off of a nearby shelf and handing it to Steve, who looked pleased. “Don’t read them the parts where the witch gets killed,” he suggested. 

Mr. Kerra seemed to accept the compromise, even as he grumbled, “But it doesn’t make sense with the costume.”

Coulson returned to his place at the back of the room and held out his hand for five dollars.

“What?” Pepper said.

“I bet you that Steve would be the only one to show up in costume, despite the fact that the school requested everyone to do it.”

“And I bet you that you would at some point act like a Captain America fanboy,” Pepper countered.

“I wasn’t – intervening was just the professional thing to do--” he stopped as she raised her eyebrow at him. “Fine, we’re even again,” Coulson sighed.

When Steve was done, Clint was next. 

“What’s your boyfriend going to read?” Pepper asked.

“I don’t know. I gave him a few books to choose from.”

Pepper smirked and said, “Bet you five bucks he picks something that wasn’t on your list.”

Coulson looked at her and then shook his head. He had tried to suggest Peter Rabbit, even threw in Hunger Games and Robin Hood, but he knew Clint too well to actually expect co-operation.

Clint sat in the chair and politely said, “Good afternoon, boys and girls. My, don’t we all love reading?”

A few children said “Yes!” while a few others groaned. This was their sixth story.

Clint continued, “Today, I’m going to read from one of my favorite books. It’s called ‘Fifty Shades of Gray.’”

“That’s my mommy’s favewit book,” one of the children responded.

Coulson sprinted to the front of the room and announced, “That’s it for today, kids, let’s give the Avengers a big round of applause!” 

They did, and the Avengers soaked in the adoration (Tony and Thor) or tried to act like this was all perfectly normal (Bruce and Natasha). Steve was used to it from his USO days and immediately started signing autographs, and soon the rest joined in. 

Coulson pulled Clint aside. “You weren’t really going to read a sex book aloud, were you?”

Clint smirked. “Don’t worry, I left the really dirty ones at home. For you to read to me,” he added with a wink.

“When did you have time to buy a bunch of dirty books?” Coulson asked.

“I borrowed them from Pepper,” he said as he leaned in for a kiss.

Coulson sighed. 

Right when he thought that he and Pepper were even. But it looked like he still owed her after all.


End file.
